Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
