Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
