i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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