I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
