he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
