We won't sleep together?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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