You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
