It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
