I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
