Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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