So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
