Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
