I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
