Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
