Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sex in a hospital.. check
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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