watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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