is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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