Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
