And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
