She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
