This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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