90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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