Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
