so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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