I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
