I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
