well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
