He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
