You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
