apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
