so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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