neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
