yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
