Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
