I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
