apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
