Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
