I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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