and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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