Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
