someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
