Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
