sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
