I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
