Dual....:-)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
