Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
