i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
