There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
