I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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