whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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