If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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